Hanging out with liars that aren’t on the level.

How to Hang Something on a Wall When Your House Is a Liar

Let’s talk about one of life’s smallest, most infuriating truths: your walls are liars. And your floor? Also a liar. Your ceiling? A smug, drywall-clad charlatan.

Here’s the situation: you go to hang a nice piece of art, a shelf, a mirror—something meant to say, “I have my life together.” You whip out your trusty level, do everything “by the book,” stand back, and… it looks crooked. Like, really crooked. You recheck with the level and it insists you're not crazy. But your eyeballs and your soul say otherwise.

So what gives?

Welcome to the Twilight Zone of Home Geometry

Here’s the ugly truth no one wants to admit when they’re slapping down tile or putting up crown molding: houses are rarely square. Maybe they were built in a rush. Maybe the foundation settled a bit over the years. Maybe the original builder eyeballed things while halfway through a gas station burrito. Who knows?

The result? Your floor might slope slightly. Your ceiling might wave hello in the middle. And when you hang something perfectly level, it somehow looks like it’s running away from the rest of the room.

So What Do You Do? Trust the Level or Your Eyes?

Here’s the wild part: ignore the level. Seriously. Levels are great if you’re building a spaceship or a bookshelf for someone with a spirit level obsession. But when it comes to decor? You want optical harmony, not mathematical precision.

So here’s your battle plan:

Step 1: Hang Loosely First

Don’t fully commit right away. Use painter’s tape to mock up where your art or shelf would go. Stand back. Squint. Cock your head like a confused black lab or doodle.

If it looks straight—congrats, it is. Your eyeballs are now the level.

Step 2: Reference Other Lines

Pick a visual reference point that people’s eyes naturally follow—usually the ceiling line or the top of the baseboard. Even if they’re crooked, aligning your piece with them tricks the brain into thinking everything’s right in the world.

Step 3: Live with It for a Day

If you’re feeling extra cautious, hang your piece with temporary adhesive hooks or tacks and live with it. Walk past it at different times of day. See if it still feels “off” after your second cup of coffee or a glass of wine. If it still bugs you—adjust.

Step 4: Lie to Future You

Once you’ve nailed (literally) the best-looking placement, write “Level” on the back of the frame in permanent marker. You’ll know it’s a lie, but future-you will thank you when you forget how much of a visual mind game this was and need to rehang it.

A Final Thought

Perfection is for blueprints and robots. Your house has personality (read: flaws), and so should your walls. Hanging things “correctly” sometimes means throwing out the tools and trusting your gut—or at least your eyeballs.

And if anyone comes over and says, “Hey, I think that picture’s a little crooked,” feel free to hand them a hammer and say, “Cool. Fix it then.”

Now go forth and hang like the confident, slightly rebellious homeowner you are.